The latest XKCD quote database entries

Quote #8674

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 23:02:05 -0500

i gotta get up early on the morrow
gonna be stormy stormy weatherrrr
don't know whyyyyy
there's no sun up in the sky
clouds
oh.
that'd do it.
other acceptable answers include "night" and "since my man and I ain't together, keeps rainin' all the time"

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Quote #8673

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:02:05 -0500

< JamesOfJames> so i'm conducting an experiment.
< JamesOfJames> i'm playing two earworm youtubes over and over at approx the same volume simultaneously
< JamesOfJames> and seeing what happens.
< JamesOfJames> i'm kinda hoping that the results will be "the better/more preferred earworm wins."
< JamesOfJames> then, i'll set up some sort of brackets, and we can have an earworm tournament!
< JamesOfJames> presently, cobra starship's "bring it (snakes on a plane)" is winning handily over "combination pizza hut and taco bell."

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Quote #8672

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:02:05 -0500

...I just found a file called .notavirgin
wtf
how old is it? does it correspond to the time you first got the account?
does it correspond to the first time you got laid?
Rena: what if the timestamp is in the future?
be sure to lock yourself in the cellar, alone, when that time comes. either something really kinky will happen or the universe will implode.
or both!
wait, aren't they mutually exclusive?
oh Bucket, so innocent.

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Quote #8671

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:02:05 -0500

bucket: syntax++ is the new ATH0++
I thought it didn't work anymore
It might still work on really old routers
Ahrotahntee: isn't it +++ATH0?
* syntax (syntax@hide-F7328C9E.ga.at.cox.net) Quit (Connection reset by peer)
* Ater (Ater@hide-97790F18.roa.east.verizon.net) Quit (Broken pipe)
* AfricanAmerican (AfricanAme@hide-27F9DFA0.ph.ph.cox.net) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Rozer (Rory@B872714E.124D0D34.E0A213BE.IP) Quit (Ping timeout)
* taoistextremist (taoistextr@hide-2F5F3FBC.hsd1.mi.comcast.net) Quit (Broken pipe)
* Eagleshadow (Mario@hide-E44EDC42.metro.carnet.hr) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Ater (Ater@hide-97790F18.roa.east.verizon.net) Quit (Connection reset by peer)
* Aliquantic (~Aliquanti@F3DB73C:19651043:1D4E62DA:IP) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Umm (~Umm@hide-264ED866.lightspeed.miamfl.sbcglobal.net) Quit (Ping timeout)
* whiskeyish (~whiskeyis@hide-74F744E4.hsd1.ca.comcast.net) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Izanagi (Izanagi@hide-F297F0BE.satx.res.rr.com) Quit (Ping timeout)
* acegiak (acegiak@hide-30213396.lns20.adl2.internode.on.net) Quit (Ping timeout)
* syntax (syntax@hide-F7328C9E.ga.at.cox.net) has joined #xkcd
it happened again

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Quote #8670

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:02:05 -0500

* relsqui nom clementines
< relsqui> esperiment time
< relsqui> using chocolate syrup
< professorchaos> *_____*
< Shrdlu> On the clementines?
< Shrdlu> Or, I guess sexually?
< Shrdlu> Or both I suppose.
< professorchaos> *___________________*
* relsqui squeezes syrup bottle gently, wiggles eyebrows at Shrdlu
* professorchaos makes off with the clementines while relsqui and Shrdlu are distracted!!!!
< Shrdlu> hang on be careful we're gonna break her underscore ke-- HEY
* professorchaos squeezes clementines gently, wiggles eyebrows at clementines

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Quote #8669

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 22:01:08 -0500

* relsqui goes back to acting nonchalant
< Shrdlu> relsqui: I think you may be permanently chalant, dear.
< relsqui> Fr. chaloir "have concern for," from L. calere "be hot"
< relsqui> Shrdlu: why thank you! ;)

< Shrdlu> Oh MAN!
< Shrdlu> So you know how French for "good luck" is "bonne chance"?
< Shrdlu> Now I'm going to start saying "bonne chalance!"
< Shrdlu> "Enjoy giving a shit!"
< Shrdlu> "For I do not."

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Quote #8668

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:01:05 -0500

< ModestMouse> alright checking my post history
< ModestMouse> my latest post was wetbasdfjfjkshfjksdcbfsfhsdfhasdbhswadhegDHJKLHJKLAHJLHASDJKLHFASJKLFJKLSDFNKLASDFHSDFJKLSFHJKLASHFJKL
ASDHSDHFASDJKLFHJKLASDHFKLSDJFJKLASDHFJKLASHFJKLASDFASDFJKLSDHKLFWEPUOQWEIPURIOPWEROPQWEUROPWEUOPQWIUQ
WEIOPUVXM,ZCVXM,ZVZXCBVXBVZN,BSDKLHFKLHASDGHASJHGJKLATRQETUIOWERYYTUIOWERYTIOSDHGKSDFKLGHDFBXCVXCNM,XC
VNM,VZXCZXCVZXCVZXCVVXCFJFJNMJFRJJFGNGNMJSDGJKLSDHJKLSTYUIWEYTHFIIUWEHIFHFHUIETIOYWETHIUGFUIAHGUIAQ5Y7
8Y 5Q34785Y23
-!- mode/#xkcd [+b *!mitchell@*.members.linode.com] by billygoat
-!- ModestMouse was kicked from #xkcd by billygoat [5-minute autokill]
< Caffeine> His last indeed.

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Quote #8667

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:01:05 -0500

I've found the best thing!
a picture of Smokey the Bear towering over the viewer as he removes his pants to bare his erect penis

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Quote #8666

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:01:13 -0500

< aliaras> keep talking here about how \psi evolves in time; I'm hearing saizai's name
< aliaras> (physics class)
< saizai> *snerk*
< saizai> people have used \psi as shorthand for writing my name sometimes
< aliaras> you're a wave function! \o/
< saizai> hm, does that mean I can be in two places at once?
< aliaras> only as long as you don't touch anything and nobody's looking

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Quote #8665

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:01:05 -0500

I think maybe I should go to sleep. First pancakes, now xenophobic natives.

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Quote #8664

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:01:04 -0500

<@Shrdlu> DID YOU KNOW THAT THE TOMATO IS ACTUALLY NOT A VEGETABLE BUT RATHER A MAMMAL
<@Shrdlu> IT IS TRUE BECAUSE THE TOMATO GIVES BIRTH TO LIVE YOUNG AND HAS SEEDS ON THE INSIDE
<@Shrdlu> WHICH WOULD ORDINARILY CLASSIFY IT AS SOME SORT OF AVIAN CREATURE EXCEPT THAT IT CHEWS ITS CUD TOO
<@Shrdlu> TAXONOMISTS WORLDWIDE HAVE BASICALLY THROWN UP THEIR HANDS AND YELLED "FUCK TOMATOES"
<@Shrdlu> Anyway, my point here is just that people who correct "octopuses" to "octopi" are the same kind of people who say things like "did you know the tomato is actually a fruit???" and neither one really endears them to me.
< Ater> I had someone ask me what a penguin was. Fish or bird or mammal?
< Rena> it's a fish, everyone knows that.
< Rena> the tomato I mean.

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Quote #8663

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:01:03 -0500

* SoobNauce puts a donkey in Bucket
* Bucket drops burrito and takes a donkey.

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Quote #8662

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:01:06 -0500

< aliaras> long-ass comment posted.
<@zigdon> best ass is long ass? o_O
< relsqui> ^a short ass-comment
< Shrdlu> Specifically a short-ass "long ass" ass-comment
< Shrdlu> (Wait, no, *that* was an ass-comment.)
* aliaras facepalms
< aliaras> YOU GUYYYYYYS

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Quote #8661

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:01:08 -0500

Bucket: This is a sign of affectation.
WassPord: Bucket: what was taht
Bucket: taht was you making a typo
WassPord: Bucket: what was that
Bucket: WassPord: That was 'what was taht' (#123551): taht was you making a typo
WassPord: gahh

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Quote #8660

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:01:08 -0500

< yazdmich> gayjerk
< Bucket> PERL CAN HELP ME ITERATE OVER THE COCKS IN A GIVEN STALL, MARK EACH AS SUCKED OR UNSUCKED AND SORT THEM BY LENGTH. THEN I CAN BE GAY WITH PISS AND GO HOME AND TAKE A NAP.
< Timeroot> I don't think I know enough Perl to get all that.

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Quote #8659

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:01:08 -0500

15:04 [@Emergency_In_SF:63] CANINE CLIFF RESCUE: first responders are arriving on scene at Fort Funston where a dog is need of rescuing from a cliff area.
time passes
15:49 [@Emergency_In_SF:64] CLIFF RESCUE: dog successfully rescued. And as if proof humans aren't any smarter, another cliff rescue underway only 400' North 2 victims

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Quote #8658

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 02:01:04 -0500

sheepbat: [18:38:04] well, i'm about to start installing windows
sheepbat: [18:38:40] WHAT THE FUCK
sheepbat: 36 seconds

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Quote #8657

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 02:01:05 -0500

-!- adventure [silverworm@hide-F308DCE0.resnet.ohio-state.edu] has joined #xkcd
< adventure> You are sitting in a sports car with blacked-out windows. Exits are DOOR and BACKSEAT.
< Xeio> adventure: Inventory
<@relsqui> adventure: would you be so kind as to pass the turing test?
< adventure> relsqui: Sure. I'm Boom_Farmer, frequently seen in -love and -minecraft.
<@relsqui> righto, carry on ;)
< adventure> Xeio: You pat your pockets. You find a LIGHTER and a KEY.

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Quote #8656

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 02:01:05 -0500

< saizai> seriously, alex is such a latex wonk
< saizai> (er, LaTeX >.>)

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Quote #8655

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:01:03 -0500

< Bugle> Need a name for a male turtle druid.
<~Phificks> Donatello

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Quote #8653

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:01:10 -0500

* SandCat (sandcat@hide-FC7F8C16.wi.res.rr.com) has joined #xkcd
* Rena cums in Bucket.
Bucket, cums in Bucket Already?
Okay, Rena.
* SandCat immediately realizes why he never comes here.
* SandCat (sandcat@hide-FC7F8C16.wi.res.rr.com) has left #xkcd

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Quote #8652

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:01:04 -0500

<~relsqui> oh oh oh
<~relsqui> I got to use my QR code reader
<~relsqui> there's a paper taped to the window in the front of my school's library, with a code on it!
<~relsqui> and I was like OH HEY I GOT THIS
<~relsqui> pulled out antiphone, scanned code
<~relsqui> it's a text code, not a URL
<~relsqui> it says:
<~relsqui> "Please silence your cell phone."
<~relsqui> well. fucking. played.

[ Proof: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/13951537/libraryqr.jpg --Ed. ]

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Quote #8651

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:01:04 -0500

Trolling is not a art, it is an science.
Troll science, however, is an art
No, just a bunch of stick figures.
You can't call stick figures art.
syntax: It's minimalist drawings of people
Syntax, remember you're in the irc channel for a webcomic comprised nearly entirely of stick figures
* syntax was hoping someone would call him out for- Thank you Durka.

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Quote #8650

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:01:07 -0500

<+Antior> I, for one, welcome our new kitten overlords.
-moderator:#xkcd-signal- Antior, you have been muted for 4 seconds.
<+Antior> dammit, that was THAT unoriginal?
<+Palomides> both the concept and the exact word chosen was unoriginal, you would lose double points if I were moderator :|

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Quote #8648

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:01:02 -0500

bucket, give someone a present
* Bucket gives ModestMouse live grenade.
* ModestMouse hot potatos the grenade to Durka
fuck fuck fuck
* Durka throws it downfield
GO LONG
* asarkar catches
* asarkar gives Bucket a live grenade
Okay, asarkar.
* ModestMouse gives bucket the key to his heart
Okay, ModestMouse.
why did you do that? he gave you a fucking grenade
Maybe ModestMouse is into that kind of thing
asarkar: You wouldn't be far off.

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Quote #8646

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:01:02 -0500

Bubonicfred: tell zigdon about it? I know he was interested in a tab complete script
if I knew your client did s/// replaces on your scrollback, provided it could be triggered remotely, there would be problems
s/e/OMGPANDAS/
BubonicfrOMGPANDASd: tOMGPANDASll zigdon about it? I know hOMGPANDAS was intOMGPANDASrOMGPANDASstOMGPANDASd in a tab complOMGPANDAStOMGPANDAS script
XD
* relsqui cracks up way too much
(later, zigdon, reading his highlight log: "what ... the ... fuck?")
* You are now known as NOMGPANDASoinr
I have started the best thing.
rOMGPANDASlsqui
* Bubonicfred is now known as BubonicfrOMGPANDASd
* Eule is now known as OMGPANDASulOMGPANDAS
* OMGPANDASulOMGPANDAS hoots
* NOMGPANDASoinr hollers
* relsqui has changed the topic to: s/e/OMGPANDAS/g | It's dOMGPANDASfOMGPANDASnd Bill Nye hour in #xkcd.
NonOMGPANDASthOMGPANDASlOMGPANDASss.
whats /g?
global
I'll put this in terms you can understand
"Replace ALL the e's"
a way of approaching this is to simply not say that glyph
it is difficult, but not insurmountablOMGPANDAS
* relsqui falls over
bill nyOMGPANDAS thOMGPANDAS sciOMGPANDASncOMGPANDAS guy

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Quote #8645

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:01:03 -0500

< StoneWork> Why is bucket so obsessed with wombats?
<@snark> wouldn't you be?
<@Shrdlu> StoneWork: Why aren't you?
< Science> StoneWork, why aren't you?

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Quote #8643

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:01:04 -0500

<@khmer> attn: extremely large jellyfish
http://theweekmagazine.tumblr.com/post/4807920279/the-lions-mane-jellyfish-is-the-largest-jellyfish
<@Shrdlu> To: Dept. of Terrifying Aquatic Life (Attn. Extremely Large Jellyfish)
<@Shrdlu> Dear sir,
<@Shrdlu> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
<@Shrdlu> I beg to remain, etc. etc. very far away.

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Quote #8642

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:01:02 -0500

<@Shrdlu> MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
<@Shrdlu> RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD COME OVER AND SAY HI
<@Shrdlu> OKAY, EVERYONE WITH YOUR HANDS UP, MEET BY THAT TREE

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Quote #8641

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:01:02 -0500

<+Snowyowl> makes sense. Is there a thumbs-up emoticon I can use to indicate my approval?
<+Palomides> expressions of agreement are somewhat discouraged in here :P
<+Snowyowl> In that case, I hate you and everything you stand for.

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Quote #8640

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:01:02 -0500

<@zigdon> was going to ask, but then burst into song instead

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Quote #8639

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 11:01:04 -0500

< Bugle> It must be so hard for Phif in this channel.
<%relsqui> why?
< Bugle> Being the token hetero, non-genderqueer individual =P
< Ultros> HEY PHIF, WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT PRONOUNS AND HOW MUCH THEY SUCK FOR THE NEXT FIVE MONTHS, TOO, IS THAT OKAY
< Ultros> ALSO I'M USING CAPSLOCK BECAUSE MY KEYBOARD IS UNSURE WHERE IT STANDS ON THE LOWERCASE-UPPERCASE SPECTRUM AND I'M BEING SUPPORTIVE BY ENCOURAGING IT TO EXPERIMENT

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Quote #8638

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 11:01:04 -0500

* aliaras reads relsqui notes
* relsqui notes aliaras reading
* Shrdlu notes reading "relsqui notes aliaras reading"
* relsqui reads shrdlu noting shrdlu noting reading relsqui noting aliaras reading
* aliaras throws up her hands and runs around

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Quote #8637

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 22:01:06 -0500

the whole concept of putting food inside bread and then eating it is genius
in all its forms

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Quote #8636

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 07:01:14 -0500

<@Aaeriele> ok, this is just silly. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_lists_of_lists
<@Shrdlu> Haha, and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_lists_of_lists_of_lists has been deleted three times.

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Quote #8632

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 21:01:03 -0500

<@Glench> hey so brass instruments are kind of loud, eh?
< Dritz> Glench: tuba?
<@Glench> tuba
* Dritz nods sagely.

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Quote #8631

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:01:08 -0500

< fearless> help me fix it and i will send boob pics
< fearless> but help me fix it *first*
< richo> fearless: one boob in advance
< richo> balance on delivery

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Quote #8629

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:01:03 -0500

<@Stereo> that's how construction tends to go... you buy 30 feet of 2m sheeting
<@Stereo> or, in canada, 10m of 6 ft. sheeting

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Quote #8628

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:01:14 -0500

< Spork> So there's an acne treatment commercial on TV and Katy Perry is their spokesperson. She was talking about how she used to have acne next to her mouth, which is where everybody is looking during her concerts because her microphone is right there.
< Spork> And then they showed her in a bikini on stage
< LinWin> Spork: Did her mouth look good and acne-free?
< Spork> LinWin: I couldn't tell, I wasn't looking there

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Quote #8622

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:01:07 -0500

syntax: It's never lupus
... except when it is.
Neoinr2: It's ALWAYS lupus!
it's never lupus!
...
[chirp, chirp]

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Quote #8618

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 01:01:03 -0500

khmersnack
* Bucket holds khmer's mouth open with a carjack, gets out the grease, and slides down IceKarma nice and smooth
<@khmer> uh
wat
Bucket: Literal khmersnack
khmersnack stuffs bulgogi down khmer's throat| forces Randall down khmer's esophagus| forces creature down khmer's throat and into his lungs| forces Glench into khmer's stomach, pushing him down all the way 'til he hits the stomach| pushes shoofle down through khmer's digestive tract and into his long intestine|6 more
0_o
who's been adding that stuff
<@khmer> i don't remember who made those
<@khmer> only the first one is good
<@khmer> i'd happily accept the first one

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Quote #8617

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:01:12 -0500

<~relsqui> wake up, little yeasts! yes, good morning! it is snack time.

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Quote #8615

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 02:01:04 -0500

< snark> straws are like daleks. After a certain point, you can call all of them the last one.
< snark> But it ceases to mean anything and becomes pretty ridiculous
<@Shrdlu> YOUR MET-A-PHOR IS INVALID
<@Shrdlu> A SINGLE DALEK COULD BREAK A CAMEL'S BACK

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Quote #8612

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:01:06 -0500

[foonetic] -Global(Global@services.foonetic.net)- [Network Notice] dyfrgi - You just lost the game.

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Quote #8611

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:01:06 -0500

Scientist - My findings are pointless when taken out of context.
Media - Scientist claims "findings are pointless"

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Quote #8609

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:01:05 -0500

I have a package
wanna see? ;D
sure
sudo apt-get install snark
-!- Stark [4a40442b@hide-50D287EE.mibbit.com] has joined #xkcd
no, I said *snark*
dammit

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Quote #8603

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 02:01:05 -0500

man i'm trying to write a higgledy-piggledy about xkcd writing a lisp AI to call his grandmother
foopity doopity
lazy xkcd
wrote an A.I. to phone
grandma (she's ill)
but with sentience and sapience, it
retrorecursively
wheedled her into his
That doesn't work.
cut of the will
everyone's a critic
xkcd doesn't really fit into that.
well, you write one
they're also called double dactyls, khmer
knob-robber
Hmmm
i know what they're called and i like higgledy-piggledy better
more fun to type too
yeah, that's what i thought
khmer:
Higgledy-piggledy
xkc "Randall" d
wrote a grandmotherphone,
called her therewith.
Though it was functional,
tres-parenthetically,
due to its language he
thounded like thith.
bastich! You stole my device!
21:08 <@Shrdlu> xkc "Randall" d
I had that line in the one I was writing!
I'm really not sure there's any good way to do that. Some men were born to be the subjects of double dactyls; other men were not.
Shrdlu: amazingly done
I'll second that. At least 75% of my outrage was really admiration.
i cede the throne

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Quote #8602

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 00:01:15 -0500

tell me you're shocked
go on, tell me
I'm... no, I can't do it, I'm sorry.
bucket: zigdon is a pretty good straight man, considering
relsqui: How straight is he????
bucket, shrdlu is exactly as good a straight man as you'd expect, considering

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Quote #8599

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 06:01:06 -0500

The room under my bed goes to an alternate dimension. The logs left behind by other explorers indicate it has been searched through for at least seven hundred and thirty years, though I've never encountered any of them. It seems only one person can visit at once. Anyway, I still find new passages and rooms on a weekly basis.
That's what happens when you follow the IKEA instructions properly.

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Quote #8598

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 10:12:04 -0500

Isn't the only thing keeping the EU afloat right now Germany
No, the only thing keeping the Euro afloat is denial.
So, germany
Yeah

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